Cookbook of Doom: A Harry Potter Collection
by Cole Pascal
Summary: *The reports of the Doom level of this cookbook are greatly exaggerated! Harry Potter wrote a book. It's not what anyone expected. He has revolutionized cooking by combining potioneering and cooking by utilizing the skills of a potioneer in a kitchen.
1. Chapter 1

**Foreword by Hermione Potter:**

When Harry Potter told me he was writing a book, I expected it to be of his further adventures of _robbing tombs_ **breaking curses** , _violently killing inept morons who think that their heritage is more important than magic itself_ **eradicating threats to freedom** , and his ability at finding our little girls more incredibly loud *Hello Kitty!* products than should ever exist! Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to find a first draft of this cookbook sitting on my pillow one night.

 **Foreword by Harry Potter:**

For those of you who knew me in school, I'm sure you're shocked to see me doing something like this. For those that actually knew me, they know I've done more than my fair share of cooking as a child. And one would think I would hate it. But I don't. It's relaxing. One of my favorite things is to spend the day in the kitchen with our kids, creating a meal, teaching them how to cook as well.

One day, I was remembering a potions book I had as I looked at a recipe I wanted to try for dinner. I had a bit of an epiphany. I went back to one of my favorite recipes, a rather simple Harvest Stew utilizing early harvest crops. And one of the kids' favorites as well. The major ingredients of this Stew are home canned tomatoes, snap beans, lima beans, three types of mushrooms, broccoli, yellow carrots, sweet corn, mustard greens, onions, peas, and spinach. And a handful of spices. This recipe is later in the book but I'm still going to discuss it.

As I was reading this recipe, it said to chop the carrots into large chunks and dice the tomatoes roughly. And as I was reading this, I realized that aspects of potions could possibly used in cooking. And so, after dinner and the kids were off to bed, I began making a dozen or so at the same time, changing just a variable in each one.

After a few weeks of testing this out on the same dish, I then made it the regular way and the fully optimized way. We had guests who've had the same stew before but when they tried this one then the original dish, it was like eating sand and couscous. One is infinitely better than the other. And that was how it is with Early Harvest Beef Stew. Which they now call Potter's Early Harvest Beef Ossobuco. For those that don't drink, the spell to remove the alcohol from wine is Vinus Corruptionem. The appendix at the end has a compendium of all spells used and how to perform them.

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A/N: The idea for this came from a musing on cutting veggies to the correct size for what you're cooking and a moment in a Harry Potter/Sword of Truth crossover idea I had where I was freewriting and wrote:

 _Harvest Stew,_ Harry thought _. His favorite dish of Molly Weasley's. Always different because of the availability of foods, always incredibly delicious. One of the few dishes Molly Weasley had been hesitant to give out the recipe of. Because it was a melding of potions and cooking, utilizing potioneering skills that I never thought to combine with cooking of food._

And from that, I had the idea expand and the idea of the fanfic/cookbook was just stunning. The story will have some of my favorite recipes that are in the public domain that I will then potioneer up as it were.


	2. OMELETTES, POTTER STYLE

HPCD | Omelette, Potter Style

The first time I learned that omelettes weren't supposed to be browned, it was like an epiphany. An omelette is the rising sun. And adding to it shouldn't ruin that image. Thus, the cooking of the dish is done in two stations.

The potioneering elements of this recipe cause a significant boost to thought processes and alertness throughout the day. I've found that a student who has issues with paying attention will have marked improvements. A tester of this recipe whose child is a D student is now a B student in New York. And an overachieving student will actually be moderated down to be less intense. All-in-all, a wonderful start to the day.

 **Egg Ingredients:**

Three eggs

Seven whole peppercorns

One moderate pinch of salt

One ounce of water

That's all you need for the perfect omelette.

To begin, use a silver blade to crack the peppercorns one at a time then use a #3 mortar and a #4 pestle to finish grinding the pepper for one pass a second for forty-seven seconds. Add the salt to the mortar then continue grinding for another twenty-one seconds at the same pace.

Pour the salt and pepper mixture into a silver mixing bowl and pour the ounce of water ( **DO NOT USE MILK AS THE SUGARS IN IT IS WHAT CAUSES THE BROWNING AS WELL AS CAUSING THE DEGRADATION OF THE SPELL UPON THE FOOD** ) in then set the mixture atop a medium flame. Allow the water to begin to steam then remove the bowl from the flame and place atop a block of ice(does not matter if conjured or real).

Break the three eggs into the silver mixing bowl and briskly whisk using a seven lobe whisk nineteen times to the left, take a break for four seconds, then briskly whisk to the right eleven times. if it's not of the right consistency to you, pour into a second silver mixing bowl and repeat. This can now sit for however long it takes to prepare your vegetables or meats without causing any issue with the eggs.

Dependent upon your vegetable choices, the cuts required are most often simple. The appendix will have the proper cuts for vegetables not mentioned. The Potter Style omelette is the breakfast of choice in our house.

 **Filling Ingredients:**

Creme Fraiche

Parsley

Spinach

Mushrooms

Cheese

Bacon

Tomato

The creme fraîche must be started the night before, at least nine hours but no more than thirteen hours before the beginning of the meal. Pour the cream into a #4 potion cauldron then add the starter of buttermilk and stir eleven times counter-clockwise, leaving it upon the counter where it will not receive any sunlight, covered with a paper towel.

The parsley must have the stems removed using silver snips and kept in a glass potion vial until you're ready to garnish. Keep in direct sunlight.

The mushrooms must be sliced paper thin using a gold plated silver knife such that there are at least eleven slices from each mushroom.

Spinach must be carefully stacked with twenty-three leaves and carefully sliced so as to remove the stem portion of the leaf using a silver blade for the left side(with the steam pointing towards you as you cut) and the gold plate silver-blade(cleansed after the mushrooms or a separate blade) for the right side.

The tomatoes should be cut in half, their jelly removed, then the skin charred on an open flame. Once charred, brunoise using the gold plate silver-blade(does not need to be cleaned).

The bacon should be cooked and the fat removed while the grease is reserved. The fat you may throw away or save for using in hash.

The cheese preparation will not change the flavor in anyway.

 **Preparation:**

Now that you have your ingredients mise en place, place your first cast iron egg pan upon the flame and pour in your bacon grease, butter, or grape seed oil. Do not use margarine. A combination of all three previous at a ratio of 1:1:3 is a flavor booster.

Once the oil begins to smoke, add mushrooms and toss three times then add the tomato and spinach and toss thrice more. add the bacon and stir six times to the right, wait three seconds, then stir to the left twice.

After eleven seconds flip ingredients and wait fifteen seconds. Toss again then turn down flame and cover.

Place your second cast iron egg pan on another open flame utilizing the same greases but the egg is better served by a 1:2:3 ratio.

When the oil spatters due to a drop of water, pour in the egg in a counter-clockwise spiral from the center then allow to cook.

When the egg is done, pour mixture and cheese into the center of the omelette then plate folding the sides so the omelette is in a tri-fold. Place a spoonful of creme fraiche upon the omelette then garnish with the parsley.

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A/N: I'll likely come back to this and other chapters and add more over time, such as happens in real cookbooks that have multiple editions, maybe adding editorial notes dictating what has changed from issue to issue and why.


End file.
